Horrible Alcohol Myths Brewers And Distilleries Want You To Believe

Let me get one thing straight: EvolveToSimple does not advocate complete abstinence for all and everyone. We’re no straight edgers, though everyone is free to be one. We believe in a holistic approach to happiness and surely there’s a place for a drink or two on everyone’s journey.

However, there are many unhealthy alcohol-related opinions promoted in mainstream Western culture and we’d like you to be aware of them.

Let’s just be honest to ourselves and call things what they are. Alcohol is a poisonous depressant; it can both bring you moments of pleasure and completely destroy your life.

Now on to the lies we see and hear every day:

1. “Quality alcohol” is not that bad for you.

expensive luxury alcohol is not any better

Expensive drinks trash you better. / Image Reuters/David Gray

I seriously hear this one every day. Drinking “quality beverages” is somehow considered to be “better” than cheaper stuff. In reality, it’s the same formula in every kind of alcohol: C2H5OH.

Sure, scents and textures differ, but that only matters for your taste buds and not for your liver or central nervous system.

If you firmly believe drinking expensive alcohol is safer for your body – the marketers did a good job.

2. You can “learn to drink”.

cant-learn-to-drink

Practice makes perfect, but getting intoxicated is not a skill – it’s an endurance contest.

There’s a weird idea circulating around (campuses mostly): you can “learn to drink”. Steps to take include drinking more, drinking expensive stuff, eating more, chewing nuts, and so on.

In reality though, the only thing practice leads to is destruction of your body and alcoholism.

If your body can’t endure a lot of alcohol – be thankful. It just means you are sensitive to poison, which is not a bad thing at all. Enjoy bigger and better things instead: sport, sex, art, money.

3. History of drinking validates present-day drinking.

alcohol-history-is-not-safe

Look at all these ancient people drinking alcohol …several times a year.

The fact that people around your hometown drank 300 or 500 years ago does not mean you will be fine if you abuse alcohol.

People of the past used to walk a lot, did not over-eat, and worked physically. Moreover, they hardly drank often – rather on festive occasions only. Are you sure your lifestyle is matching theirs and you can afford hitting the bar every Friday?

We’re not even starting on genetic effects of alcohol abuse. If your grand-grand-grand-grandfather was the first ancestor to adopt the drinking habit, make no mistake: by now your genetic ‘armor’ is way more vulnerable than his was.

4. Natural ingredients make alcohol OK.

natural-alcohol-components-arent-healthier

Could this forest stream be used in a vodka ad? Absolutely. Is that vodka still the same water-diluted alcohol? You bet it is.

This one is huge with booze marketers. Alcohol ads are swarming with imagery of nature, fruit, morning dew, concepts of “purity” and amazing technology in filtering things from other things (uh).

This has rooted so deeply in our brain that we somehow think we are getting closer to that beautiful mountain river when we order a vodka cocktail. Truth is, we can’t be farther.

Petrol is made from natural ingredients too, and so is plastic. No matter how golden the barley and how crystal-clear the mountain stream water, don’t be fooled by ads: it all literally boils down to C2H5OH.

5. There are tricks to avoid hangover completely.

cant completely avoid a hangover

Seriously, forget all the tips, pills, special morning-after-cocktails and what not. If you have to look for ways to fool your body you need to seriously reevaluate your habits.

The two real secrets to having a good morning after a party are very cruel and unpleasant:

a) be very young.

b) drink very little.

Combine the two rules above any way you want but one thing is constant: if you drink a lot, with time the hangovers will only get worse. Every time you party hard you reduce your body’s endurance, and once it’s completely out, hangovers will become hell. So much so that they can get lethal – it’s common knowledge that seizures and cardiovascular diseases are a huge risk with hangover drunks. That’s why rehabs put newcomers under 24h medical surveillance – so if you are currently suffering from a several-day drinking marathon don’t just quit cold turkey without consulting a doc.

Even though hangover is inevitable, there is a simple rule to follow to relieve your suffering: stay hydrated while partying. We mean water, not sugary drinks or “juices” (i.e. sugary drinks). Down a glass of water after every alcoholic drink and you’ll help your body a bit.

And of course if your hangover is unusually long or super-heavy, seek medical attention and supervision. Have someone who cares nearby and make sure you feel guilty enough to make that your last hardcore drinking session.

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